Embracing the Tattletale

Dear Families,

Does my statement “embracing the tattletale” cause you to pause and ask what? I bet some of you – like me – grew up being told that you should not tattle on others and that tattling is not nice! After years of working closely with children and adults, I believe that we have the moral responsibility to embrace the tattletale.

While there are many times that tattling seems unnecessary, we need to deeply listen to every word of our children’s “tattletale narratives”. We then have the opportunity to model constructive possibilities to support their understanding of how to handle the issue at hand. If a child is tattling or telling to share about someone who is breaking a rule, or talking about someone hurting a friend, or letting you know that someone has hurt them, it is important for your child to know that you are listening and that you are a reliable and consistent resource for them to share all information and feelings. 

Following through with supportive language that models constructive statements and potential actions of what to say and do will offer them alternative ways of handling the situation. You can let your children know when something is not serious and “here is how to handle the situation, and you did the right thing by telling me”. Young children, and even older children, may not be developmentally capable of discerning whether an issue is or is not serious enough to “tattle” or tell. When caregivers, parents, teachers or other adults tell children to stop “tattling” on things that are not serious (as understood by an adult) and to only bring serious or life threatening issues to discuss, children may become confused. It is important to know that when something is judged to be serious by a child and is dismissed by the adult, the child may think the adult is not a reliable and consistent resource for them to share their information and feelings. 

We live in a world where bullying, violence, and danger are prevalent and too often make the news. Our goal at the Innovative School is to nurture our children’s dispositions towards being morally productive citizens within a community that understands right from wrong. We want our children to understand the values of honesty and respect. We want to support them to be empowered members of a caring community that treats everyone and everything, including themselves, respectfully. Embracing the “tattletale” is a part of our emotionally responsive care practices. 

As always, I invite your questions, comments, and input!

B’Shalom,

Margie